15 posts tagged “christ”
Here i am, being a good boy, working in the salt mine, putting in the work on my paper. There aren't all that many weeks left for school to be in session and time is becoming very short. I am a little over half done with the paper, so i rewarded myself with Battlestar Galactica season one on DVD last night. Can i just say that the movie that opened the series was a complete masterpiece? Ok, i will-- what a great story arch. I still can't believe that the last season doesn't start till January of next frigging year...
I have been keenly aware of my attitude the last couple of days, and am actually suprised by just how angry and short-tempered i have become. I didn't think it was too bad, because i have been aware all my life that i have a dangerous temper and have purposely trained myself to have an incredibly long fuse. (it is my theory that most people who are considered "easy-going" and "laid back" are born of this situation) But then i thought, what if i wasn't me, and there were people listening and watching what i was saying to myself and watching by myself inside my mind? This turned out to be very challenging, embarrassing, and alarming because i say and feel and do things in my mind that are rated beyond NC-17, and that is only beginning with imagining running down, forcing off the road, and dragging the person out of the driver's seat and beating slowly to death those who have cut me of in traffic, something i think two or three times a day.
What is really depressing (and strangely reassuring) is the sure knowledge that there is Someone who hears and sees this stuff, Someone who not only knows the inner desires and fantasies of the heart, but not only knows the root, knows the motivation for these things, knows why i do and think the way i do -- Who knows me better than i know myself. This wouldn't be a bad thing if it was a being who was like a hired therapist and was there to listen and be nonjudgmental and suggust courses of actions for my consideration to ammend my ways. It is catastrophic that it is the God who is there, the God of Abraham, Jacob, and Issac who is the Creator and judge of all. God's grace and mercy thru Jesus is the only hope i have. Blessed is the one whose sins are no longer counted against them...
I started doing my Offices again, but fell down where i usually fall down, which is on my days off. I get up late, i miss Morning and Noon prayers, and Vespers. I also miss Evening prayers because i am actually sleeping with the Mrs., and we talk about the day or we get to know one another in the biblical sense. I have a routine on work days, and have my Book of Common Prayer and my Bible with me in my book bag. So today i did my morning prayer, and am planning to do the Noon prayer before i meet with Robert, my Pastor and pal. My prayer for myself is to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, and for the Holy Spirit to work and heal not only my body physically but spiritually as well, in my memory, in my emotions, in the places where this world and other people have intentionally and unintentionally left scars in me. I'm tired of being angry, short tempered, judgmental, and sad.
I grew up thinking that my prayer life was an end in itself, instead of a means to strengthen the inner man that was created, regenerated by the Holy Spirit at conversion. This misconception was a huge part of the unspoken theology and praxix of other Pentecostals around me, of being saved by grace yet kept in my salvation by good works. I had no idea good works and obediance to God spring from gratitude instead of duty. I know this: when i take my prayer beads with me, and pray the Jesus Prayer, that a sense of peace and calm is instant as i speak the words "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." Messiah said that He had come to give life, and that more abundantly, so here i am understanding this life is agift that has already been given to me.
Well back to the salt mine. Hopefully i will be somewhere around page 20 at the end of the day, and will be able to reward myself with another episode of Battlestar Galactica.
I've been thinking a lot about the choices i've been making as far as what i have been doing. Not my motivations or intentions, but my actions. What i have been coming up with isn't making me a happy man. Now don't get me wrong, my circumstances are measured by subjectivity and by degree -- in other words, things could be way better, and they could be a hell of a lot worse. I am blessed in many ways, while still struggling in others. I am free to make my own way, although there are many internal and external constraints and restraints that mean i have to alter how i think or what i do.
I was raised a certain way, with certain values, moral norms and mores. These were instilled in me by simply growing up with my parents, from the kind of people they were. I am happy to report that for the most part i have few complaints in this area, although there are some things i wished they had done differently. I was raised Christian, in a Pentecostal/Evangelical home, and have the corrosponding blessings and baggage attached to that kind of upbringing. It is a big plus that i am actually Christian -- that it wasn't a Christian values system, or worldview, or an exotic type of specifically appropriated Christian morality. When i was five a ressurected man named Jesus literally walked into my life, and He has always been with me, litterally, ever since. The Holy Spirit, not some allegiance to an abstract propositional truth statement, foundationally and fundamentally changed who and what i was into who and what i am now. These two factors, my family and Christ, are two internal constraints and restraints to my thoughts and actions.
The external constraints are of course tied to circumstances and money. There are built in boundaries that come with life's circumstances, which usually consi=st of the intended and unintended consequences of our own and other's actions. When i was a kid, i lived in a certain place and in a certain house and went to a certain school and church because my Dad had chosen to be a beekeeper in Western Nebraska. If we had money enough often depended on the weather, if landowners wanted to let him place hives on their property, and the financial decisions my parents made.
In other words, the only thing i really have any control over is my attitude. I had no control over the circumstances of my birth, or who i was born too, or over God. But i do have control over how i look at life, over my reactions to everything i have no coontrol over. Do we have a free will? Yes. Does it do us any good, or make a whole lot of difference? Not so much.
I have been very angry and sad and lazy in how i have reacted to a lot of what has happened in my life. I don't want to act out of anger or depression or sloth any more. Bitterness and anger and laziness comes from selfishness, and that is a killer both spiritually and physically, not to mention very unattractive in someone's character. I know its weird, but since the Wife and I are on better terms and we have a tiny bit of leeway with money, things have gone a little fuzzy. Suffering brings with it clarity, and focus is lost when it isn't happening. Just look at the adjectives i've used to describe my life before: hard, sharp, bright, etc.
So it comes down now to a change of attitude, and just how that change will effect what i do, how i act. This should be interesting...
So its our last night of vacation and i'm having a hard time sleeping. This is not usually a problem for me, as no one in my immediate family has ever had a hard time falling into deep slumber. Sunday afternoons in our house after church and lunch pretty much looked like someone had walked into the place and machine gunned the lot of us, as we were sprawled every which way including loose. Mt youngest sister one actually fell asleep face first into a plate of mashed potatos for crying out loud!
I think i am up mostly because i am stressed way beyond the point of no return. I am slowly burning out and it is like watching a train crash in slow motion from a place where you are helpless to intervene or even turn away. I feel very detached, like i am outside of myself watching myself sleepwalk thru my life. Is there anything worse than self-awareness? I keep replaying in my mind a scene from Bull Durham, when Annie is cleaning up after a lost weekend with Crash and trying to deal with him leaving to finish out the season. She isn't worried about Nuke, Crash's rival for her affections who has just left for the Big Leagues, because he is a self-centered, egotistical prick and is perfect for this world, which was not made for the self-aware. He would be fine. She would not be, nor would Crash, or am i myself.
Yet at the same time i feel liberated, free. Jack Kerouac once said he owned everything because he was poor, and in a strange way i am beginning to understand what he meant. Jesus once said that those who try to conserve and hoard their life will lose it, and whoever freely gives it away with a strange kind of wild abandon would gain their life. I don't have anything left to lose, no pride, very little material wealth, no status or station, no place really to call home even. I don't have much left to lose that i haven't already acknowledged that i couldn't lose tomorrow. I wonder if i can even recognize the kind of life gained in giving myself away?
I am afraid of God even tho i love Him because of Christ. I don't understand His thoughts, or His ways. I am chilled to the bone when i realize that He alone is able to be judge, jury, and executioner, and these are roles that He fulfills every day. His ways and thoughts are too deep for me, and i know it. I don't have to be Job and have to be answered, i know my insignificance in the cosmic order of things. I wasn't there when God "spoke" and something came from nothing. If i have learned anything it is that i never seem to have any answers because i am not even asking the right questions. I ask "why?" when i should be asking "How?" as in how may i live in Christ today? Pride is impossible to stamp out, and humility is so hard earned. I am afraid of God because He doesn't ask permission first. It is i who adapt to what He has allowed, not vice versa. And what He allows are not for the faint hearted. When did we ever think that we were worthy of being included in the councils of God Almighty, maker of heaven and Earth? Yes, we are not slaves, we have been adopted into His family as sons and daughters, co heirs of Jesus Himself. But it is not the son/daughter who informs the father, is it?
I will take my brokeness, my burnout, my life lived in the here and now to God, and do what had been impossible before the Spirit made me alive: I'll give it all away and let the chips fall where they will. God will either give me the strength to do what i must do or He won't, in which case i'll have to humbly ask Him what He has for me next. The question in the crucible, when everything else has been stripped down to bare essentials, is the question of trust. Do i, or any of us, trust God enough to give up everything, to trust that God really does have us in the palm of His hand, that we are indeed the apple of His eye? In these small hours of the morning, i wonder.
Yesterday, hopefully, is not a harbinger for the rest of my week. The Wife woke me up to do the laundry before I went to work at noon "like you promised." After I got everything together and I was in the laundry mat, my boss called and wondered if i knew i was scheduled to work 7:00 am to 3:00 pm.
I work at the University library, which tells you nothing unless you work there. If you worked there you'd now know why Communism lasted as long as it did, as everyone there thrives on being a political progressive bound to honor diversity and egaltarianism while all the while acting as elites within their departments, reporting and informing on each other to further their goals. It is a pretty brutal atmosphere, and I am personally thankful none of these people have any real power in the real world (Cambodia's Khmer Rouge in reverse comes to mind). However, in the artificial world that is the Univeristy corporate culture, they wield a disapropriate amount, as image is everything and they are a alpha program for the Gates learning center concept. That there wasn't anyone to open the coffee kiosk on time is a big thing, thence my boss personally calling me.
Things got wierd. A Supervisor, who studies the schedule like a crooked stock broker studies the index, got "sick" miday after determining he didn't have enough help and would be expected to work in closing. Thus the person who was supposed to take my place after my shift couldn't, and i ended up working a ten hour shift, just like i did today. Oh well, at least i got some reading done, Shelby Foote's The Civil War: A Narrative. Hmmm. Oh well, at least it more than a little slow and I got overtime without losing the three hours i didn't show up for. I don't know if i was lucky or unlucky, truth be told.
I am home, and The Wife isn't feeling well. Thank you Jesus for Midol. I thought I'd do this blog and watch an ep of Veronica Mars. I have had an interesting time journaling my Daily Offices, which has amde me realize my lack in the discipline area in life. Things are about to get very, very busy as I try to complete my incomplete in my Methods class...
Last night I watched Florida, whom I despise just on general principle, kick the crap outta Ohio, a school which unintentionally bores me silly. Let's just say I wasn't invested in the outcome. I kept switching to VH1's Classic Albums. They were highlighting Fleetwood Mac's Rumors album, The making of which was actually pretty interesting. They were all fucking each other over while they recorded the whole thing, and it was all on public display, like in the middle of the Roman Coliseum. Oh, and Lindsey Buckingham is a prick who just happens to be a musical genius.
I will try to be a bit more consistent on the blog front... TTFN.
When Jesus was asked by His disciples why there was evil in this world, He came up with a parable about the wheat and the tares. In this parable, the only answer jesus gave was that "an enemy had done this..." He gave no more information on the why, only some insight on the "then how shall we live" front. The hired hands of the farmer in the parable offered to go out and tear out the tares, a weed that looks very much like wheat till its time to produce fruit. But the "farmer," Christ Himself, said no, that in tearing up the tares they might damage the wheat. This parable pretty much should have put the kibosh on Christians holding their own little inquisitions, and to a large extent it did.
History shows us that it is often the ruling authority that subverts religion in a will-to-power, even if that authority happens to be pious. The Spanish inquisition was very much political, the Jewish wars against Rome was also nationalism clothed in religiosity, and pious Muslims have hijacked and subverted the the basic five pillars of Islam for political and personal gain and power. In every case, people who had been given temporal power turned their religion upside down in order to justify themselves and their true desires and goals. Americans are very fortunate in the fact that the founders saw this quite clearly, and instituted laws to save religion from the government and the temptation to will to power.
Christ instituted His own Kingdom, and it is in direct competitition against whatever people put their trust in to transform their lives. The authors of the Gospel and the apostle Paul used very distinct and challenging political words to directly challenge the Caesers, words like Evangel, liturgy, and Christ the Lord. Christians have challenged each country and political system over the years they have lived in. They directly challenged absolute monarchy by showing a King who washed the feet of His desciples. They challenged democratic capitalism by emphasizing God's Kingdom and God's soveriegnty. They challenged Communism by attacking the materialism the philosophy was based upon, and by emphasizing a Creator far greater than any dictator.
It is only the Holy Spirit that can transform a life set in this community of Kingdom living. I believe God allowed an enemy to sow the seeds of evil because the suffering produced gives opportunity for people to die so that they may live again. In my Offices I am reading John, when Jesus said that whoever believed in Him already had eternal life. One thing that Jesus emphasized was the fact that a seed had to die before it was planted in order to attain new life. That is Kingdom living in a nutshell. We are a company that finds themselves to be strangers and aliens in this place passing thru, looking for a country and a city made by God.
It is by recognizing that path, and then walking on it that we , and by "we" I mean myself, are transformed, changed by the power of God. CS Lewis once wrote in his book The Problem of Pain that God speaks only gently and faintly when times are good, but uses pain as a megaphone to grab our attention and be heard in a loud voice. The cure, altho painful, is not worse than the disease in this case -- suffering and death are certainly not the worse that can happen, and may actually be used as avenues to life and joy.
I have been challenged by Randy to begin a journal, but not the same type that I have been keeping since early 2002. I lately have looked over some of my early entries from years ago and noticed that they are remarkably similar to my most recent entries, in that I whine a lot about the same things over and over again. This does me no good. I am struck by how insistent Paul is upon the concept of the Christian being transformed from glory to glory, of becoming new creations, so I have decided to journal my Daily Offices in The Book of Common Prayer in an attempt to directly be transformed thru the renewing of my mind in Scripture and prayer. The actual journaling has been consistent, but It has been hit and miss over the last couple of weeks as to how to form, structure, and organize my thoughts and writing. However, if I continue to stay consistent I think it will sort itself out.
Don't get me wrong, any believer is transformed over time because they simply have no choice in the matter. If the Spirit of God lives in them, and if they have faith, transformation happens. I would challenge anyone who is not a Christian to look back and not be able to see change in their lives. They may not be transformed, but to be human is to experience some change. Just for me, tho, I just would like to be a bit more purposeful and self-aware as I am transformed into the man God wants me to be...
My first temptation was to write a short little commentary/devotional for each Office. Altho I think it will turn out to be something like that, I found I had to beware as I was so used to doing this for others when I was a youth pastor. I also had to beware making each entry doctrinal and abstract, supporting some type of propositional truth statement. It will be very challenging to be honest and transparent and not rely on just how I am such a kool guy when it comes to theology. Pride is crouching right outside my heart's door, just waiting for my writing to turn smarmy. Hopefully, if this shakes out into something I can do, I might be able to share a few entries with my family, friends, neigbors, and even strangers.
Every Christmas ends like this, ever since i was a little kid; Christmas Day turns out to be dull and boring. It happens because, a) I have family obligations more important than my own circumstances, and b) i have yet, even with my immediate familiy, to experience a relationship where i am loved as much as i love back.
Jack Lewis once wrote,
My happiest hours are spent with three or four old friends in old clothes tramping together and puting up in small pubs -- or else sitting up till the small hours in someone's college rooms talking nonsense, poetry, theology, metaphysics over beer, tea and pipes. There's no sound I like better than adult male laughter.
I had that for the years I was actually an undergrad at Bible College, and when I was the resident director for the boy's dorms at that same college. I have never had it back home, or when i was in any of the churches that i served. People have been discipled so poorly that for edification's sake i could never talk about the thoughts that were going thru my mind, i didn't want to be the one that caused another Christian to overload and stumble. This sounds arrogant, no? It isn't, it is actually my lament. If Evangelical Christianity is in a place were basic questions about why there is sin and suffering in the world or what is it to have a free will cannot be asked or answered, then the Church indeed is in trouble.
Two summers ago Nate, a friend of mine, and I went to the coffee house almost evry day just to talk and to argue and to hang out. Those were some good days. But i have had no consistent fellowship like this, although this blog has been a nice avenue.
There other thing I enjoy is to simply watch movies. For years and years all i've really ever wanted to do was go and watch movies during Christmas afternoon and evening. A Christmas Day movie is probably the only semi-consistent tradition my family actually came close to establishing. I can still remember my shock when my Mom decided to come with us to watch Dances with Wolves on Christmas night. But i have truly never been with a group of people or with another person that actually intentionally made it their goal for me to be able to hit the theater and have my very special day.
Don't get me wrong, i like familiy obligations. I know it is much better for me to interact and relate with my family while i have the chance. We may not talk about the stuff that really would bind me with them, but it is important to get to know them, to find out what is important to them. It is important to physically be there, even if it is a day out of your life you'll never get back. I am a better person in community, when i care about others and don't make my desire paramount over others i care about. Even bored to tears i understand that it is important, that the time isn't really wasted.
But in the quiet part of my soul, sometimes i wonder if what i am looking for will only be found beyond this life.
Meanwhile, my mother in law and brother in law came in last night for Christmas Eve. It was a good time, the wife made lasagna, the italian dish Garfield likes so much. I thought it was a little strange for Christmas Eve, but it was one of their family traditions. I go a CS Lewis daily reader (which was nice), a $25 gift card to CiniMax, and $50 on a Visa card my BIL gave me. Not a bad Christmas. The Wife and I didn't exchange gifts, and i still don't know what to think of that. We went thru a lot of money for her gig, she bought a couple of outfits and all the food and drink for the evening. I would have got her something, but she is very picky, and anything i might have bought her she probably would have taken back.
As i have already written, today was a big waste. I walked the dogs all three times, fed em, and watched lousy movies on TV. The wife took off this afternoon and "forgot the time" while she was at her friend's house. If she doesn't forget it again, i may actually get to watch a movie tonight. I am not crossing my fingers. Tomorrow i am back at work again, this week 7 AM to 3 PM. It should be very slow. I'm looking forward to getting some reading done...
So Saturday was a rough day all the way around, disjointed and strange. I ended up going to the late movie and watching We Are Marshall. Afterwards I went to my local watering hole for a beer before closing time, which is 1 AM in this little town.
I wan't surprised by the fact that The Spoke was far from empty the night before Christmas Eve. The guys I like and get along with were all there, and several of my favorite bar wenches as well, and everyone was full of Holiday cheer. The 50" HD TV was on, the jukebox was playing, and everyone was talking much louder than they normally would have. As I was drinking my beer and watching the going ons around me it struck me that I could very well be visiting a scene from what could have very easily have been my life.
At any time during the last five years or so i could've, and was in fact daily tempted to have had, just thrown in the towel and went with what the status quo and conventional wisdom whispered into my ear, the inevitable of destiny -- I could have signed up for the "gradual slope" lifestyle. As I was drinking my beer I tried to imagine what my Ghost of Christmas Might Have Been would have looked like -- probably what most guys look like around here, 5'10", 190 lbs, hair shaved close with a goatee and wearing long shorts and a bar t-shirt. This is not the demographic ESPN wants, but these guys are sports in New England college bars. I can imagine my Ghost with a smirk on his face showing me what had happened after i ditched my wife and church and jumped into bed with T or E or K or one of the other girls and started to hang with the guys.
I'd look the same and talk the same but everything else would be different. Probably the biggest thing about my might have been self would be that I'd be a much harder person. You should hear the conversasions I have in my head as i am now. What comes out is often not what i have actually thought, it is a kinder, gentler and edited version because i know that sin is crouching outside my heart's door, and would love me to take my own bitterness and anger and depression and have me wallow in them until i drown. But I know that i would would not only indluge in doing just these, i would swim in them and my personality would be affected to my very core.
I'd be smoking, as i have daily resisted that temptation since i was sixteen and i couldn't tell you why. I would also be smoking weed, as everyone i know here does. I'd also probably be a bit more pharmacutically adventurous than i am now, altho Christian or not, i doubt i have the compulsive nature to be an addict. I'd also probably be drinking on a pretty regular interval, especially if i was sleeping with and hanging out with seriously experienced functional alcoholics. Alcoholism would be by far a serious alternative for my personality. Which brings me to the pictures that no one sees in my imagination, except for God. If i was sleeping with T or E or K, i know that it would be for companionship, but that would only mask a blast furnace of lust and self that feeds on what would be left of the remains of my tattered soul. Love gives it's self away, lust takes and exists for itself. I have never kidded myself about my sexuality; if a pine board had the right size knot hole I'd have at it if it felt good, there would be no end to the sexual perversion. Pure hedonism is not something anyone should mess with.
I call this type of life "the gradual slope" because that is the most attractive road to hell for me. For all the hardness and selfishness, these people i like and are friends with are also sentimental and often have expectations about what is fair and just far beyond what those in other communities have. It would be a fairly straightforward life -- if your pissed off you fight, if your horny you fuck, if your hungry you eat, if your sad you cry, and if happy you laugh. It is this sentimentality, this was of interpreting the circumstances of life, that blind my pals to the damage they do to their sould. The only problem is that what is real in this kind of life lived is the spiritual reality i first described, and this is the ideal and dependent entirely on circumstances beyond individual control. It is a perscription for misery.
I don't think the Ghost of Christmas That Might Have Been would be a very nice guy, and the Ghost of that particular Christmas Future would be very, very alarming as if one sows to the wind, one reaps the whirlwind, and my death and final judgment would have been like jumping into a bottomless abyss without a parachute forever.
On Christmas Day I sing along with Mary because What Might Have Been would've really been except for the grace of God in Christ to me. It is because of that soft spot that I have written about in the past, God's weakness for the little, the least, the last, the lost and the damned, that I have personally ever known joy, or ever heard that music from a tune I've never heard, news from a country I've never been:
My soul magnifies the LORD,
and my spirit rejoices in God my
Savior,
For he has looked on the humble estate
of his servant.
For behold, from now on all
generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great
things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear
him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the
thoughts of their hearts;
he has brought down the mighty from
their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
he has filled the hungry with good
things,
and the rich he has sent empty away.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring
forever.
The Magnificat
So I've been working in hell since about Saturday at Midnight. I worked till 8:00 AM on Sunday Morning and then went back to work at 6:00 PM the same day. I worked 6:00 PM to 2:00 AM yesterday, and its was around 1:00 or 2:00 this afternoon that I was even able to lift my head off the table. 4k the first 24 hrs, 4.5k yesterday, and I have two more days left, as I'm working six days straight. I done all this trying to fight off the cold that fucking won't go away, which hasn't exactly made for a sunny disposition.
I haven't had a lot of time to think deep thoughts tyo write, the thoughts I have been thinking haven't been very kind or gentle. I think it has a lot to do with working in retail. I am now convinced that 50% of people were born and raised in a barn, while the other 50% were raised by wolves. I keep having to clean up messes ONE FOOT away from the gargage cans!!!!!! Arrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! lazy fucking spoiled kids. I get to handle customers who must be such complete losers that it is only in food service, where they are catered to, do they have any sence of worth or control.
And I've just about had it up to here with these arrogant, smirking foreign kids who's cultures have taught them they don't have to treat workers with respect. I swear that most of the time you can tell the difference between Muslim Indians and Hindu Indians by the way they treat people: the Muslims mostly have respect, the Hindi kids think your a lower caste. The Asian kids are a mixed bag, as any international kid gotta have the money and the pull to even be here taking classes. American popular culture seems to be especially seductive, and the kids that embrace it the most are the rudest. The Asian kid that looks like Wally and Beaver are by far the most polite, and they smile more.
Believe it or not, the best international kids are the African kids, excepting the Nigerians. They are laughing, personal, and generally a lot of fun. My father had a few rough experiences with some urban black kids when he was in the service in the late 50s, and I had to overcome a lot of negative sterotypes to come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what color the skin is, everyone bleeds red. The only true way to evaluate anyone is by what they do, how they decide to act.
I have to go back to work soon, but I feel a little bit better and I actually got some uninterurpted sleep. Tonight may be the last busy night, as finals are winding down on Thursday. Everyone has to be gone by 5:00 PM on Friday, so tonight will probably be the busy night. Gotta sign off, TTFN.
What sad days for American politics. Can I just rant on for awhile on how much I just truly hate ideology? It is a hatred which runs neck and neck with dispensational theology in my lexicon of contempt, so the loathing for the ideology of the Left and the Right runs very deep.
If ideology was simply an idea, I wouldn't be writing this post. No, ideology is the justification and systematic organization around an idea that makes that idea The Idea of all ideas. Once this happens the ideology becaomes the way to interpret any narrative that may come around to fit with the ideology, all in the name of what was formerly probably a pretty good idea. In other words, ideology is the foundation for both the tyrannies of both the Right and the Left.
The tyranny of the Right is of course national socialism. The Nazis are pretty good examples of this type of tyranny. What did Hitler and the boys do? They took some very cool ideas about tradition, ethnicity, and nation and turned it into something ugly. The tyranny of the left is Communism. Soviet Russia was a good example, North Korea is a good example of this form of tyranny. Lennin and Stalin took some pretty cool ideas about communal egaltalianism and turned them into a kind of surreal nightmare.
Ideologies can, like tumors, be either benign or malignant. Ideology is always a tumor, tho, whether it kills you or not. Just take a look at the many Socialist states in Europe. France has a kind of democratic socialism that has not produced the systematic slaughter of it's own citizens. It has produced an appalling inefficientcy, but how many people are worried about the dangers France poses to the rest of the world? Plus, a lot of people are amused at France's government because really, has a group of people in history more deserved the government they have than the French?
Christianity can function under any form of government. The Bible is an ancient document, and it knows no form of government other than monarchy or tribal leadership. Yet Christians flourish regardless of whether they have political freedom or not; the Christian scriptures presents the the Kingdom of God as the example of what, someday at the end, all government will look like. Christianity reaffirms authority correctly excersized to protect a nation's citizenry, and provides a rival authority when corruption of power eventually appears. Believers in Christ are ambassador from a far away country where justice rolls down like the rivers, and justice and truth kiss. The Church, in capital letters, are to be oasis' of this as a witness to the rest of the world.
Every time I turn on the TV it seems that I am provided soundbytes of one sort of ideology or another. I'd rather break out in boils and sores and rend my clothing while sitting on a gargage heap than become a Dittohead. I'd rather sell all my clothes and run naked thru poison ivy than become a Progressive. People are political animals whether they like it or not. I suppose that I will have to practice more of the politics of the Kingdom of God just to be able to ignore the ideologies that compete as some person or parties subversion as the will to power. The only one you want running things is the guy who really doesn't wanna run things. George Washington wasn't beloved because he was tall, athletic, and good looking. He was beloved the world over because he could have been king and commanding general after the American Revolution, but decided to be a farmer again instead. Jesus was God incarnate, but He washed His disciple's feet. I know where to swear my alligence too....
Think about it: what if the Church were full of grateful, humble people who were not illusioned by either man's potential or disillusioned by man's inhumanity to man? What if they cared for all people, regardless, because God cares about people? What if they really believed that love covers a multitude of sin? I think any community of faith that even comes close to postulating this would have to nail the doors of their worship service shut because of the throngs of people who are dying for what Jesus is giving thru those who are His would. Ever see what lengths the desparte are willing to go? I'm sick of the Evangelical Church being subverted by the ideologies of the Right, and the Mainline by the ideologies of the Left. What about representing what Christians truly are -- the third way?
Meanwhile, away from the rant, I am pretty close to kicking these two frigging dogs thru the goal posts of life. If they get me up one more time before 7:00 AM for a walk after I've worked till 2:00 AM, showered, loved The Wife (Woo Whooo!), and gone to bed I will seriously consider how much it would cost for a kennel. Can I subcontract this gig? Today and tomorrow are my days off, altho I spend Thursdays at the Vocational High School for my Graduate prepracticum. I wanna go to a movie tody or tomorrow night. I'm thinking Mel Gibbson's new movie or some holiday comedy just for the fun of it. I need to meld with a theater chair, a coke, a bag of pop corn with extra butter, and a reeses peanut butter cup.
So here we are, the Wife and I, in a house in the country with two dogs. For the month of December anyway. I can now pronounce myself cured of ever wanting to be a dog owner. I had thought it might be cool to have a dog, but after walking Dixie and Maggie, washing them up, and feeding them daily I hereby renounce the desire. There is dog hair every where and it isn't just marriage that ties you down -- its almost like having kids.
It makes me wonder about the paradox of success: the more successful one is, the less "free" they are. At least in my definition of freedom. Work is pretty much a necessary evil, and altho I agree with Paul that if ya don't work ya don't eat, I also don't agree with our culture that work is a major part of our identity. I work to get health care, money to pay the bills, and to carve out some time to read and write, the thing I really like to do. The more you make, the more the responsibility, the heavier the workload. A house means $ and time; taxes and maintenance and probably some more money. My philosophy is this: there are renters and owners, and I KNOW which one I am. I actually feel pity for the inanimate objects I own just on the basis of whats gonna happen to em. My ipod was shiny and unscratched till it left the box the day I bought it.
I want the freedom to choose what bounaries to bind myself to; Paul said one is either a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness and since we have been given the freedom to choose, the power of the Spirit to give our will power over our bodies (Rom. 6), freedom for me is the ability to actually have a chance to do battle to do something right, to try to follow the example of Christ.
I realize this is not the template of freedom for everyone. Tempermentally and philosophically, there are people who are owners and can handle the job, the car, the house, and the investment portfloio without compromising their commitment to Christ. I am in awe of folks like that, but am thru of wishing I was them. I am who I am, who childhood, experience, enviornment, temperment, and the Spirit of God has made me. But I have a hard time managing those temorary riches and the stress and responsibilities that accompany them -- the whole ownership thing sure isn't me.
I walked the dogs this morning, am doing my blog, will be doing my morning Office next, and its work at 11:00 AM. I have a lot of work for school to do, and all I did last night was merge with the TV and watch --- hmmmm can't quite remember what I watched, actually. Let's just say that I was not involved in my usual active listening and watching technique, all I really wanted to do was just vegge out... and I'm gonna pay the price. I hate that any type of routine I had was tied into where I slept. Changing location interupted the whole living routine, and I haven't quite established a new one yet.
Oh look -- one of the dogs just thrw up and is now eating their meal again... ewwwwwwwww.
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