7 posts tagged “jesus”

I came home from work the other day, yes, at 2 Am, and couldn't get to sleep. The Wife was at the house with the dogs, but she was sick and I just walked to the apartment. I turned on the tube and the movie A History of Violence was on HBO.

I had wanted to see the movie, I like Vittgo whatshisface from Lord of the Rings, so I thought why not? What a strange movie this was! Whoever wrote this, and whoever directed this has never ever had to defend themselves physically. I think what they were trying to get at is that even if used cautiously, the use of violence changes the people involved, and not for the better.

I won't bore you all with the plot, needless to say there is a body count. The main character "Tom" was an ex-mobster who had renounced violence and settled into a Norman Rockwell kinda existence. His wife was beautiful and had a healthy appetite for sex, his kids were good kids, and he owned a small dinner. Two hoods come in one night and threaten to rape his waitress and kill the rest, and "tom" kills them. His boy, afterwords, finally stands up for himself against a school bully and kicks the bully's ass. Thru the publicity a mobster recognizes him (with a little help from "Tom's" brother) and he eventually has to kill him, the people with him, and then go to Philly and kill his brother. His wife loves him, but doesn't know how to handle that she didn't know his real name or that his life story was made up. They make very violent love before he leaves to meet his brother, which is contrasted by their loving and kind sex scene they had at the beginning of the movie. His name's really Joey, and when he comes back home we find that his kids accept him back but his wife, when he looks into her eyes, doesn't love him anymore.

I didn't like this movie because the writer had no idea of the reality of living in this fallen world, there was such a disconnect that made this movie an impossiblity for ever happening in some real person's life. Yes, actions have reactions, there is cause and effect. The use of violence is not something that doesn't leave its imprint upon all involved. However, I contend that violence is a necessary evil.

Jesus was violent, altho gentle and humble. He struck and lashed people when He cleared the Temple Court and overturned the money-changer's tables. He did it not to defend Himself, but for the honor of the Father and in protest to the oppression of the poor. He was non-violent when He would not allow Peter to defend Him when it came time for Him to be arrested and eventually put to death. These two circumstances have informed my personal philosophy of violence, as I have always been prepared to stick up physically for the weak when they suffer the tyranny of evil men (a pulp fiction reference for those keeping score at home) while at other times chosing to nonviolently shame people who would attack me.

I myself have a history of violence. When i was a kid I was so sick I died. But only for a minute or so. My thyroid had gone bonkers, and they put me under when they tried to take out the tonsils they thought were making me sick. I was very skinny and weak, and just about everyone for a couple of years had been picking on me. There was not one day during that time when I was not in some way, to varying degrees, physically assulted. So I started, once I received some treatment, at the bottom with the weakest kid who picked on me. I beat the shit outta him, and then moved on up the ladder of the High School social hierarchy. I finally fought to a draw the most popular and strongest kid in the class, and I have had very few opportunites since to ever have to fight with someone again. But I was in so many fights that year I came very close to being suspended.

I fought for one reason at first: my own survival. It was fight or shrivel up and die inside. But it turned into something else by the time I faced the main bully. I wasn't the only one who was bullied, and to stand up to these people was to stand up for us all. Me fighting upset the status quo of victim and victimizer, and set a dangerous precident that made the popular and the strong wary. It was from this experience that I developed my philosophy about the use of violence as I became a much more committed and discipled Christian.

I found I had to repent for a couple of those fights, to go back and to try to make things right. The rage in me was born of a thousand and one undeserved humiliations, and led me to vengance instead of justice. Punishment for wrongdoing is up to God, I should have fought only to balnce the scales, to put myself on an even plane. I could have done this a couple of times and would not have had to use physical violence, but my anger was such that I sinned. As a matter of fact, 99.9% of every altercation I had after these events fell into this catagory. I now believe it is the credible threat of violence that is more important than violence itself. More than one person has looked into my eyes and have seen what the immediate future would hold if they continued on their present course....

I also have found that I don't much care anymore abought slights or insults to me. I find that caring for others and protecting people who really are in no position to help themselves is much better than fighting for one's self. After 9/11 a couple of college kids (who thankfully turned out to be drunk) wanted to go out and beat the first Muslim they found. There were three of them in the line to get pizza when i stood in front of them and told them I was Muslim, did they wanna start with me? Earlier in the day a friend of ours, a Muslim woman, had taken off her headcovering and brought her co-workers a cake with American flag icing because she had recieved a lot of grief in town from schmucks like these guys. It made my wife cry to see the fear in this woman and her daughter, and it made me very angry. The guys in the line, they backed down. Hopefully it gave them pause and made them wary to victimize people.

I love the philosophy of Dr. Martin Luther King, but make no mistake, his campaigns were designed to be conrontational and to MAKE people change the status quo against their wills. Non-violent cohersion is the best route, much more perferable than physical confrontation. But I think there is room for physically standing up to your enemies for your enemies sake, to stop them from damning their souls more. But this is just the rambling of some middle aged guy, so my opinion probably won't count for all that much.

As a matter of fact, the only reason I'm on this topic is because earlier to day someone went left on red where it was clearly posted that there was no turn on red and I nearly hit the witless wonder. I had a flash of anger as I laid on my horn and fipped him off. I thought how nice it would be to pull him from the cab of his pickup and pound him into the pavement, therapy for the bad day that has been mine for the last 5 years. And then the Spirit, as He usually does, gently reminded me of who and whose I am, and that I needed to deal with my anger as it sure wasn't a righteous anger or those actions for the other driver's good. It was just me being a prick. I'm glad the second week of Advent is about repentance...

But as for me, my feet had nearly slipped; I had almost tripped and fallen; Because I had envied the proud and saw the prosperity of the wicked: For they suffer no pain, and their bodies are sleek and sound; in the misfortune of others they have no share; they are not afflicted as others are; Therefor they wear their pride like a necklace and wrap their violence around them like a cloak.

I should be like Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day the morning after his very long day in that I'd been having a very bad day for about five years until about a month ago, and I should be happy: "Why don't we move here?" But its been a very wierd semester here in academia land. I am continually short of patience, what never would have bothered me in the past just irritates the hell outta me now. I suspect this is just another symptom of middle age.

What really irritates me is actually simply a by product of where I work and live, which is the arrogant smugness of youth and the elitist attitude and actions of the wealthy. I am irritated, of course, because I envy them. I hate to admit it, but your either honest with yourself or your living in illusion land where expectations are sharp like knives and fine like razor blades and everyone's shoes are tied together.

Both the kids and the rich BoBos around here seem to fit the above profile, yes? The pride of life is the downfall of youth. These kids are walking around like they are bullitproof & immortal. They are full of energy and life, it is all drama and intensity and potential and sex. The BoBos walk around without seeming to have a care in the world -- they have challenges and they thrive on challenges...

Their iniquity comes from gross minds, and their hearts overflow with wicked thoughts. They scoff and think maliciously; out of their hauntiness they plan oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their evil speech runs through the world.

This is probably one of three "progressive" enclaves in the entire US, and secular doesn't even begin to describe the situation. Not that there isn't spirituality around here, they got that coming out their ears. Its just that  they don't want their spirituality to inform their behavour or their personal ethics -- they are the captains of their souls, the forgers of their fate and destiny. There pretty much isn't anything these people wouldn't do if they somehow believed it was for the collective good.

And so the people turn to them and find in them no fault. They say, 'How should God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?' So then, are the wicked; always at ease, they increase their wealth.

I kindda wonder where God is at times. Most of these people have done things that makes me go all still and quiet inside, because I am personally afraid of God. The sexual promiscuity is at a mind-numbing porportion, and if all the cocaine were to suddenly be caught by the wind in July, they's have to call a snow day. But I rarely ever see any of them reap any consequences; in fact, the old saying that it takes money to make money seems to be a truism. Its enough to make a righteous man depressed -- I put one foot outta line and there is no question that God's discipline is pretty much johnny on the spot...

In vain have I kept my heart clean, and washed my hands in innocence. I have been afflicted all day long, and punished every morning.

However, this isn't very wise now is it? God disciplines those He loves; their isn't anything arbitrary or random about God's training His children. God never promised to take away our suffering, wrote mr. CSL, but did promise that our suffering might be like Christ's suffering. Life isn't fair.

When I tried to understand these things, it was too hard for me; until I entered the sanctuary of God and discerned the end of the wicked. Surely you set them in slippery places; you cast them down in ruin. Oh, how suddenly do they come to destruction, come to an end, and perish from terror! Like a dream when one awakens, Oh Lord when you arise you will make their image vanish.

I guess ya gotta have the perspective of eternity, huh?  Everyone dies alone, and 70 or 80 years here on earth are nothin. The only thing I know about my great Grandfather was that he was from Switzerland and ended up in the South Dakota badlands. Thats it. I know NADDA about any of the family from Switzerland, and I mean nothing. All those people lived, and no one knows them or thier lives. The preacher was right: vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Everything and everyone we think is important is really just like a dream God has as He wakes up. When that happens to me it fades pretty quick.

God loves the little, the last, the least, and the lost -- God is partial to the broken and the damned. He sets Himself against the proud, which means that life is rigged for everyone as pride is pretty much the foundation for all sin. This world isn't friendly no matter what the station is in life, God has set Himself against the plans and schemes of the rebellious...

When my mind became embittered I was sorely wounded in my heart. I was stupid and had no understanding; I was like a brute in your presence. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You will hold me by my right hand. You will guide me by your counsel, and afterwards receive me with glory. Who have I in heaven but you? and having you I desire nothing upon the earth. Though my flesh and my heart should waste away, God is my strength and portion forever.

It seems that even when I question God, and behave badly, I am not abandoned or left alone. God is constant in His affection for those Messiah Jesus sacrificed Himself for, and I am forever grateful that God knows i'm made outta just dust. From the beginning to the end life depends on trust in God, and Here I stand.

So this finishes out the month of November, tomorrow I start watchin the dogs over at the professor's house. So charge! Perhaps I kin change my attitude, and actually live in tomorrow. I know its been the end of a very long day.

So this weekend The Wife and I agreed to dog and house sit for a college professor couple. I believe we also will be doing this for most of the month of December, which either makes me very sad, or very happy. Happiness isn't a warm gun, its earning $25 a day to walk the dog. However, its $25 a day in a house where I am reminded that I am a 42 yr old man with nothing and that $25 a day for a month is a big deal for me. My uncle was well on his way to early retirement by my age. My Dad, not a financial giant, pretty much had paid off his house by my age and had five kids.

First off, I rent. I rent an apartment smaller than a lot of people's living rooms. Second of all, I drive a car that would seamlessly fit in on any street in a major Central American city; I keep expecting to look into my rear view mirror and find Danny Divitto in my back seat a la Romancing The Stone. Lastly, I am in a dead end job studying for a job I don't have a lot of enthusiasm for -- 12 years of youth pastoring kids was enough. Heredity and nurture have conspired against me when it comes to money. I love theology, history, and philosophy, which usually means a mathamatical cripple is walking the hallowed halls of academia. Plus my parents didn't teach me to brush my teeth, let alone give me any training in personal finances; I never had a checking account until I was like 21 years old. Can you say bankrupcy in my life, like salvation, was predestined?

I don't determine success with only the material as a measuring stick. That would be too simple, too one dimensional. I actually know that in many ways I have a great life, a life a lot of people in different circumstances would give their right arm to live. I have evrything I need. I have the love of a beautiful woman, a family who loves me, a friend closer than a brother, food in abundance, shelter, warmth, and even, kinda, transportation. I can pay my bills (mostly) and I have cable, HBO, and a computer. In two more semesters, I will be certified to teach high school history here in MA.

So my life is lived in a continuous paradox of trial and blessing, which might be weird if it wasn't pretty much the human condition that every person lives their life with every day. I really do not think that my life is any different than anyone else, altho I do think my life has its own unique circumstances and my own personal perspectives. Actually, I personally don't believe life changes all that much, probably not since the beginning of time...

The ancients believed that the world was a hostile enviornment, that the universe was not only sentinent, but actively out to get them. Paganism was an attempt to subvert and control the forces in the universe, the seen and unseen "powers that be." These forces the ancients recognized weren't the warm fuzzy types, and they were tended like someone would tend a fire: carefully. No one had a warm, personal relationship with these forces, with the gods. They were unwilling to allow competition and if anyone rose to far above their station they were there to slap them back down. It was bad for the mass of common people and slaves, but for those with wealth it was worse because they were more apt to hubris, to be tempted to power and fame.

The Scriptures say that the wrath of God is being revealed daily against all ungodliness -- those pagans were closer to being right about the nature of this life than we moderns have been. The prosperity and opportunity that even the lower middle class experience place them in the catagory of the aristocrat of old,  and to succumb to those same old temptation to the will to power. The very concept of freedom, the throwing off of all restraint, the anihlation of any boundary or taboo, insures that most people cross the universe on a daily basis. Everyone subverts and tries to manipulate everything around them, its just not ritualized anymore like it used to be in the antiquity.

That is the central strength and power of Christianity, stripped down and naked and vibrant. Christ the sacrifice, the substitute, the propitiation. CS Lewis called this the most powerful, the most ancient "magic," something so potent as to be the ultimate salvus, healing, right here and now.

What I am trying to say is this: no one is secure, no one is protected from the pain and suffering of living this life. We are tempted to say, "Poor little rich kid," when we hear those who are much more fortunate bitch and gripe, but we should be careful that it isn't jealousy speaking, as we should recognize a kind of solidarity with other humans experiencing what everyone experiences -- we are all authors of our own misery. We all attempt control, which is God's area alone, and all experience that control as an illusion, usually right after all our schemes have just bit the dust and collapsed or imploded. Everyone's life is probably their own unique condradiction along these lines...

It was still nice, tho, to have two dogs and a house in the country even if it was only for a weekend.

My life has been pretty busy lately. I work full time at the university. Sunday through Tuesday I work 6:00 PM to 2:00 AM. On Friday and Saturday I work 11:00 AM to 7:00 PM. I am also a full time graduate student taking classes toward earning a Masters in  Eduacation. At my job I am a Chief Steard in my Union for my building and two others, I take care of Union greivances all the way up to step three and even into arbitration. The Wife is also a full time student, and although our marriage is in a good place at the moment, relationships need care, and work. I often am so tired that I feel wierdly sick, like I am experiencing motion sickness or something.

But God is good.He did not send His Son to make sure we would be happy in this misery. Happiness depends almost entirely upon circumstances, and because we have almost no real control over circumstances, happiness is gonna be a real rarity. I have hadf days when everything has gone right, where unexpected blessings have come my way and I was happy, content; I imagine everyone has had days like that. Yet they are few and far between. My days are usually swpent coping not only with my own intrinsict flaws but with the falleness of others. Sin is petty, selfish, and sadly unoriginal -- it is expectations, actions, and attitudes that somehow showcase how the imovable object of selfishness meets the immovable object of either their or other's negative (I'm such a dummy, could you...) or "positive " (Let me handle it, I will be your superman...) pride.

In the business of my day, in the middle of my marriage, and in the debris of all my interactions with friends, nuetrals, and outright enemies, I have zero time for systematic theology, for formal "exegesis" of the Scripture. I am not saying, right upfront, that I do not read the Bible, that I do not pray. I read a passage from the Hebrew Scriptures, From the Epistles, from the Gospels, and at least a couple of Psalms a day. What I am saying is that I have no time, or even little interest, in the "science" of hermanutics.

I look at it this way: The Christian Scriptures are centered around the four Gospels. The Gospels are the story of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter and intinerant preacher named Jesus in the 1st Century in a backwater 3rd world "nation" called Israel.

I believe in Jesus Christ, His only son our Lord; who was concieved by the Holy Spirit; born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried. He decended into hell. The third day he rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty. Fron thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

It is this Gospel that is the power of God to salvation, it is tyhis story, this narrative, that the apostle Paul preached with simple words and the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the story of Jesus that has this power, and the invitation is for whosoever will to come and take their place, to take up a role, in the divine drama. We are to live out this narrative, not invent clever (or even true) proposititional truth statements about the story, and then declare alligence to them instead of living the story -- instead of taking up the cross, dying to ourselves, and raising again to newness of life.

Let me put it this way: systematic theology, or doctrinal study, is secondary speech that supports the primary. Doctrine, systematic theology, is the grammar that insures we live and tell the story right. You can't write a story if you can't write a sentence, if you can't form a paragraph, if you can't write an essay, paper, or a book. Doctrine makes sure we live and tell the story right. Mormans and Jehova Witnesses are not orthodox, Christian, because they tell and live the story wrong. Mormanism is polytheistic, and the Witnesses deny that Jesus is part of the Trinity, God three in one.

I've put in my time with the whole second order speech thing. I've got my doctrine down. What I am concerned about is my place in the play, the drama, of the Kingdom of God. As to my last blog: I have people in my immediate family that are gay or lesbian, I have close friends that are gay and lesbian. I understand what Paul was talking about in the first chapter of Romans, I know the context. But my context is not paganism in antiquity -- it is the neo-paganism that I am surrounded with in my culture, in its media, it's music. I am concerned with the arrogance of modern and postmodern thought that believes we can form our reality, we narrate our own story. I stand by my use of Romans in my last blog.

I've been fasting the last couple of days. It is not because I am some super saint, pious and untouched by the world around me. I am doing this because I need to strengthen the inner man; I am afraid that I am backing away from the role I am to play in all this that will establish outposts of God's Kingdom here one earth. Temptations are strong in a college town, and sometimes the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak.

However -- NO fasting on Thanksgiving day!!!!! I am looking forward to some good eats at my mother-in-law's on Thursday. Yum. I'm gonna have some time, I hope to get to the computer a bit more often during the next week.

II was thinking while at work last night, which is hardly ever good, I realize (But like a moth drawn to the flame, or a lemming to the sea...), about when Jesus sent out His disciples 2 by 2 to preach the Kingdom

Ever have those day dreams where your doing something you wish you could do but know will never, ever, in a million years happen? I was imagining myself addressing the 20 year college class reunion of my Bible college from behind the pulpit in chapel. Yup, things were pretty slow at the Circle K last night. What would I want to say to the people who graduated with me, to the students there now, and to the faculty and staff?

When Jesus sent out His disciples, they were sent out to "church" people, not pagan Gentiles. Jesus sent them out among their own, to people who prayed to the same God, read the same Scripture, sang the same Psalms, attended the same synagogues, sacriced at the same Temple, and attended the same calandar of fast and feast days. Israel wasn't, in the 1st century, a modern nation state. They were two tribes and a conglomeration of the other ten that had survived war and exile. It was a kinship group, a gathering of clans, and everyone was pretty close to being related to everyone else.

Yet Jesus sent them out as "sheep among wolves." That isn't very flattering, to say the least. Jesus told them to expect persecution, contempt, imprisonment, and even death, that families would be torn asunder in choosing sides. The kicker, of course, was Jesus didn't say "if," He said "when." What was the message that would lead to this kind of violence? It was simply the good news that the Kingdom of God had come in the person of Jesus, that the little and the last and the least and the lost were all welcome by grace. I think the message was the Beatitudes... That any who entered thru the narrow gate of death to self was considered to be part of the Kingdom.

It all comes down to Power, doesn't it? Either we submit and and admit that we are powerless, catastrophically poor, morally and spiritually bankrupt, or we try to gain, consolidate, and expand our control over our own lives. The Jews chose to go to war with Rome rather than go the extra mile and forgive her enemies; they chose tempral power over trust in God. But let's not just pick on the Jews. How many times have those who claimed Christ taken up arms in order to gain power? People are the same -- they all want security, warmth, shelter, food, sex, and love and are willing to manipulate and kill to attain them rather than wait for God's Providence.

Is it not the same today? Paul wrote to the Corinthian Church to stay away from people who were engaged in these same type of sins. When asked for clarification, Paul said he wasn't talking about people outside of the Church, but those inside the Church. As a pastor in an Assembly of God Church for almost twelve years, I'm here to say, in my humble opinion, that only about 25% to 30% of any congregation I served was converted. The rest had had an intense religios/spiritual experience, had prayed the sinners prayer, and hadn't changed their minds about anything, especially about in how they were going to live. What changed was the way they talked, the people they hung out with, and they began to formulate ways to manipulate God into either attaining the control they desired or for God to justify them as they did what they had to do to attain what they desired. They quickly picked up on "Christianese," they began to socialize within a church setting, and they began to formulate individualistic "Christian" doctrine.They were not converted, they were enculturated.

And so it continues, the lambs being led to the slaughter within the religious community. They are everywhere evident in the Church visible, in the pews, behind the pulpit, in the sunday school classroom, or in any of the "outreach" programs a church may have. The irony is that they can be pretty decent people, that is until you challenge them right where they refused to be challenged, that of giving up their lives to gain them. If this is done, then Katie-bar-the-door, baby! I've seen lawsuits threatened, intimidation, lying, manipulation, embezzlment, deception, and just out-and-out anger. But there is no other option -- the converted, by their very newly created nature, is drawn into conflict with those who are driven by their sinful nature. 99.9% of all Church conflicts are conflicts of this nature, and are often conflicts between two unconverted people using godtalk to support their positions!

That, my friends, would be the sermon I'd preach at my 20 year reunion at my Alma Matter.

I am troubled tonight because of experience.

During the day I know I only exist because of God's mercy and grace. Most people would acknowledge this if they understood God's omniscience and holiness. Think about it: If what you pictured in your mind, everything you threw onto the screen of your imagination for just a single day, could be viewed like a screen with stadium seating; if what you thought to yourself, everything you "said" in your mind was broadcast for anyone to hear, what would the verdict be for you?

I KNOW what it would be for me. The real problem is that God not only sees and hears all this, but He even knows why you imagine and think the thought you think and even take the actions you take. The Psalmist was right: if God took into account our sins, who indeed could stand? I wouldn't be able to stand for very long for any amount of time that I was awake. Or asleep, come to think of it, as I dream and sometimes what I dream....

During the day I know that I have been transformed from the inside out. I know that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ that lives in me. When I was baptized into Jesus I was baptized into His death, when I came out of the water I knew I was dead to sin but alive to God. I know that the Holy Spirit infills me daily, that like a seed planted in fertile ground He produces within me fruit, fruit like love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and patience. I know that I have been sanctified, set apart and indwelt by God, and that He will be faithful to complete the work He began in me. I know that someday He will glorify me and I will not die.

How many times have I not done something that could not be undone, that would have wounded or poisoned me to the core? I walk each day with the knowledge that the Spirit is within me, Christ is at my side, and the Father watches over me. I walk in the knowledge that God has forgiven me my sins, be they past, present or future. He will never be angry with me again, I will never be condemned although I know a loving heavenly Father will discipline me when it is called for.

Both of these experiences, that of sinner and saint, are with me every day, and often at the same exact time. It makes for a most puzzling paradox for me, and for occasion to some great frustration. Right at the moment I am at a cross roads in a fair amount of places in my life and I am kind of like frozen, stopped or stalled. It is a little like being a rabbit in the book "Watership Down," when they freeze, go into "tharn," when they are scared or threatened. I often feel as if I am caught in the middle between extreme joy and dispair... I can't see to do the things I know I should do, or avoid those things I know I should avoid.

Its been a weird day, I guess you could say....

Being an adult stinks.

I have a zero ambition level. For the rest of my life I could work at University Food Service and take classes and be pretty much perfectly happy. I think it would be a sweet lifestyle if you could catch it right...

I cannot live my life like this, no matter how much I might want to. Eventually the mundane would drive me insane, as just the fact that highly paid State managers literally couldn't run a popcicle stand would force me to take a stand somewhere that would get me fired. Although working food service is an honorable profession, it isn't something that is meaningful for me; Food Service isn't my passion. Lastly, I couldn't just drift by because I'm married, and I have to get out of this itsy bitsy apartment before the neighbors make that fateful call about a domestic dispute that turned into a homicide. Being married is akin to the experience of pouring nitro into a bottle attached to a paint shaker and flipping the on switch.

I hate the responsibility. All my life, people have asked of me exactly what I cannot give. They demand what they want from me not based upon what is best for me, but what is best for them. It is hard to live life in a serious manner when all I've ever experienced is disappointing people who love me because they have asked the impossible. Something died in me a long, long time ago because any hope at appeasing these people died a long time ago.

People will look any other place than God for meaning in their lives. To turn to God is to bow the knee, to say to Him not my will but yours be done. This an overwhelming majority of all are born unable to do. So people place this weight on the false gods of their own choosing, and place the expectation of giving thier lives meaning or focus upon the created instead of the Creator. This is an impossible weight to bear, and the weight eventually smashes the god and its temple into utter ruin. Loved ones have looked to me to validate them. Loved ones have tried to live their lives vicariously thru mine. And the ruin of those houses built on the sand instead upon the sound teachings of Christ have surrounded me with ruins...

I don't have a whole lot of personal ruins because I was weaned from false gods at an early age.

After a Sunday school class, when I was four years old (1968), I asked my Mom if the Sunday school teacher was telling the truth about Jesus knocking at my heart's door to be let in. How in the world could Jesus, Who had reportedly walked on water and told wind, thunder, and lightning to shut up, just stand at my heart and knock, hoping I'd let Him in? Jack, even at four that sounded stupid to me, as I'd had to helplessly knock on the door of our house when I'd accidently locked the screen door. I'd had to depend on my Mom to let me in, and it just didn't seem right that Jesus would be that helpless and dependent. What did it even mean to 'let Jesus into my heart?'

Mom just laughed about what the teacher told me and said it was like this: that if I asked, Jesus would come and be my new best friend, that he'd be like an invisible friend, but for real. She assured me that I would never be alone. This made sense! So I prayed, and when I did something very remarkable happened: it was like someone physically walked into the room where I was sitting and sat down in the chair opposite of me. I might not have saw or heard Him, but His Presence was an unquestionable reality for me. I was four years old when this happened, and I can remember it like it happened twenty minutes ago.

I've done some pretty stupid things in my life. I have worshipped at the altar of me fairly often. The one thing that has been a constant is the fact that Christ has Always been right there, arms crossed and shaking His head. "Gold and silver blind the eye/ temporary riches lie/ come and eat from heaven's store/ come and drink and thirst no more/." But I get tired of living in the ruins, of interacting with a fallen people. All of us are like the "tar baby" in Disney's "Song of the South": the more others get involved with us, the more they become hopelessly entagled and trapped. The joke is on us, because we are relational creatures and no person is an island. No one is wired to live their lives alone. That is why people get married despite the fact that its like pulling the pin on a live grenade -- it is not good for man to be alone.

So yeah, tonight I'm a little down, a little bitter, a tad sad. Its a good night to sing the blues, shaded by the ruins that surround me....